


hot and cold

by yhighon



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Dead Saihara Shuichi, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Not Beta Read, Post-Canon, Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:42:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhighon/pseuds/yhighon
Summary: but neither maki or himiko ever pick up the phone, and maki can never bring herself to send the text she wants, the unendingwhy did you have to leave me like he did?(she mourned them both, even though only one of them died) because she knows neither of them would get the answer they want, and she would instead be hurting them both.(himiko and maki reconnect after the killing game, after everything.)
Relationships: Harukawa Maki & Yumeno Himiko
Kudos: 13





	hot and cold

maki can’t sleep. it’s almost four in the morning, and she really should be asleep (she’s supposed to meet with himiko tomorrow) but she finds herself staring out the window instead, watching cars pass and people walk by.

its too warm in the room, the heat turned up too hot and her clothes suffocating. she sits in front of the heater anyway, letting herself slowly overheat. it’s a welcome change from the constant cold that bites her fingers and makes her shiver.

she hasn’t talked to himiko in a while, which is probably why the other girl had called, made sure that she was still doing okay (that she was still alive) after they’d split up. had wanted to meet up, even, go to a coffee shop close to her apartment, to “catch up”. 

maki isn’t fooled. she knows what this is. but the chance to see himiko means it doesn’t really matter what the motive is. 

they haven’t really talked in a while, not since their last big fight when himiko had moved out, leaving her to live in a too-big apartment she can’t seem to let go of.

it’s empty, now, except for what little she has. she’s trying to move out, find a new place that the rent won’t be terrible (even if it isn’t about the money). find a new place that doesn’t have a hole in the wall from where himiko had thrown a ball at shuichi, expecting him to catch it, only for him to miss and it to hit the wall, breaking the drywall. 

where his clothes don’t still sit in the other room, untouched after he was gone. unmoved from where he left them, as if he were going to come back and wear them the next day.

maki misses them, both of them, even if only one of them is a phone call away, thirty minutes down the road. even if himiko had needed to leave, she hadn’t gone far. 

but neither maki or himiko ever pick up the phone, and maki can never bring herself to send the text she wants, the unending _why did you have to leave me like he did?_ (she mourned them both, even though only one of them died) because she knows neither of them would get the answer they want, and she would instead be hurting them both.

her and shuichi were too close, bonded over shared trauma and shared losses. her and himiko were always a little too far apart, different ways of dealing with the killing game causing strain.

so instead, she isolates, sits inside an empty apartment that used to have three people living in it, and now has only one.

she isn’t sure why she’d picked up the phone when himiko called her, isn’t sure why himiko called her in the first place. seeing the phone ring was a surprise in itself, much less having it be the other girl and not a telemarketer or scam call.

himiko has mostly moved on. found a new apartment, new friends, and a way to get over their time on air.

maki wants to do the same, wants to copy her, but she feels like she can’t. feels like she has to remember the ones who are gone. 

she has to remember kaito, the way he smiled, the way he cheered them all on. she can’t remember him coughing up blood, fighting with shuichi, the way he panicked as she shot him with the poisoned arrow.

it all feels like a fever dream, something that didn’t really happen. the worst two weeks of her life, and sometimes she wonders if she made it all up in her head.

and now, she has to add shuichi to her memory, has to remember every detail of him, the same way she tries to for kaito. 

but really, losing shuichi hurts so much more. when they were in the killing game, maki forced herself to not get attached, and only broke her own rule close to the end. rantaro, kaede, ryoma, kirumi, angie, tenko, korekiyo, miu, gonta, kokichi, keebo, tsumugi. it was easy to rationalize their deaths, her time as an assassin preparing her for death.

kaito broke it. he broke her ability to remain unaffected by death, and she got attached.

but that was okay. it hurt, but they survived. the three of them left the dome together and made it out.

without the constant fear of death around every corner, maki made the same mistake again. she allowed herself to get attached, to be close to shuichi and himiko, and to allow herself to love them, to get too close.

finding shuichi in the tub, not breathing and covered in blood (red blood, but so easily neon pink) was quite possibly the worst thing maki had ever done in her life.

eventually, she gets back into bed and somehow drifts off, after much tossing and turning.

unfortunately, her alarm goes off too soon, only five hours later, and she opens her eyes, swings her legs over the side of the bed, and resigns herself to the day.

she’s supposed to meet with himiko in maybe an hour, and it takes thirty minutes for her to walk to the coffee shop they’re going to.

so she goes through her routine, pulling a brush through her tangled hair, haphazardly applying makeup, pulling on jeans that spent the night on the floor.

she has a headache already, but she pops a couple painkillers in her mouth and swallows them dry. the lights in the bathroom are too bright, and the apartment is too warm, but she shrugs on a jacket anyway, picking up her purse as she leaves, making sure to lock the door behind her.

maki’s running a few minutes late, but that’s okay. himiko will wait, just like she used to, rocking back and forth on her feet, scrolling through social media.

it’s colder than she thought it’d be.

she gets there only a couple minutes late, and himiko is standing outside, looking happy for once in her purple outfit. her hair is brown now, maki notes, hands coming up to fidget with the ends of her own choppy hair.

“maki!” himiko says, waving as soon as she looks up from her phone to see the taller girl walking towards her, hands in her pockets. maki gets a glimpse of a pink phone case as it goes into himiko’s back pocket, and they hug awkwardly, maki unused to the touch and himiko a little too overzealous.

“uh- anyway.” maki coughs, pulling away.

“wanna go inside?” himiko asks, and she nods, and they walk inside, the bell above the door chiming as they do. 

they order coffee, himiko ordering something fancy with lots of sugar, maki just asking for a latte. the barista asks for a name and maki stumbles for a moment, and himiko says their names, and the barista eyes them up and down before moving towards the espresso machine.

danganronpa has had a couple of seasons since they were part of it, maki reminds herself. people forget. 

if she takes a deep breath before moving to wait with himiko, no one has to know.

eventually their coffee is made and handed off, and they find a table, in the corner by a window. maki sits with her back to the wall, making sure she can see both exits as she sips at her slightly too-sweet latte. himiko doesn’t notice, stirring even more sugar into hers.

“so how are you, maki?” she asks, and maki’s hands wrap around the coffee cup, letting the warmth leech into her cold fingers.

she thinks about the apartment she still lives in, hanging onto it like it’s all she has left. the way that the door to shuichi’s old room has remained closed since he died, except for bad nights at ungodly hours of the morning when maki needed to feel something. the way she hasn’t showered in maybe three days.

“fine. what about you?” she asks, and himiko starts talking about a friend she met at her new job, a girl who knows about her time on danganronpa but listens to what himiko says, the truth about the television show that’s somehow still airing.

(shuichi had been determined to end it, but four lawyers and six court cases later, he’d failed, and ended himself instead.)

maki’s happy for himiko, even though she’s jealous that the other girl has found a way to move on.

“that’s really good, himiko.” she says, and himiko lights up with a smile, looking the happiest maki’s ever seen her.

“thanks! are you still uh- living in the apartment?” himiko asks, and maki’s smile falters for a moment before she locks onto it.

“i’m trying to move actually. landlord raised the rent.” not entirely a lie. the landlord had tried to raise the rent, and then maki had drunkenly chewed him out, and told him almost everything that had happened. he gave her a few more months.

“really? i could help you move!” himiko is so earnest, so energetic, and it’s jarring to maki, who used to know himiko as a girl who never wanted to do anything other than sleep and whatever managed to spark her interest for the week.

“yeah, maybe.” she says, and silence falls over them for a moment, not entirely awful, despite himiko’s fidgeting.

they talk for a while longer, making plans for the future, because “it’s been too long, maki! i miss you!” maki doesn’t have a rebuttal to that, or a reason to avoid the other girl, so she accepts. the smile she gets in return is almost worth it.

it’s good to see himiko, despite the pain that it brings. maki’s always felt like her life was sand slipping through her fingers, too hard to hold onto. himiko feels like a rock at the bottom, holding up more grains that maki can by herself.

they hug again as they leave, less awkward, and maki makes a promise to meet himiko’s friend during one of their hangouts. 

she walks home alone, despite himiko’s insistence to walk with her, and barely gets through the door before there’s hot tears running down her face. she sits in the main room, shoes still on and purse still hanging on her shoulder. her hair falls in front of her eyes, shielding her.

it’s a nice change from the overwhelming apathy, and maki cries in the empty apartment. she reminds herself she isn’t alone, that himiko still cares, that there’s plans to look forward to, something to plan for.

she goes and takes a shower.

**Author's Note:**

> something not minecraft/dream smp related? shocking. anyways
> 
> i started this when i was in a really bad place at college and like. you can tell lmao. this has been sitting in my docs for months, mostly bc i wasn't doing anything danganronpa related for a bit. but. here it is. the fic no one asked for yet i deliver anyways.
> 
> this wasn't beta read bc my beta is asleep at time of posting lmao but eh i edited it i think it's fine and i like it enough to post at 1:42 am
> 
> anyways, have a good day/night, don't hurt yourselves <33


End file.
